hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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