Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
