if i can run in heels then i can drive
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
