pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize