i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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