you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
