So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
