Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
