Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
