Having a random hookup so left but love u
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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