you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
