do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
