Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize