Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
