whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
