Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
