It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
