y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
