he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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