I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
