the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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