i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize