I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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