I will die if light touches me.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
