And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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