I wish I could punch you in the face.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
