did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
