the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
