Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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