Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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