Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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