i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
