No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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