The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
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