is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I need moral support for this bender
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
