You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
