hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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