I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
