it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
