Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
