i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
