Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
