I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize