frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize