this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
