my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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