I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
