tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
