i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
