Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize