I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
