i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
