Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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