I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
