How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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