And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize