I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
