shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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