Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
