No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
