WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
