you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
