I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
