is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
