i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
