oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
