Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
