Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
