So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
