oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She said her name was "party"
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
