I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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