I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
