made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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