ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
