i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
