So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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