When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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