so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
