obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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