The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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