Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize