I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
