She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
