I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
