Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
