new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
