so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
