I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
