I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
