He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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